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Knowledge of our past is our inheritance. What we do with that knowledge will shape our destinies...

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Top 5 Ways You Know You're an Action Movie Villain + Blog Tour Stops

Happy Wednesday, Everyone!

How's was your Tuesday? 1) Uneventful 2) Eventful but in a good way 3) Stressful 4) Civilization as we know it imploded and the zombie apocalypse has started.

Nobody had better say #4! The zombie apocalypse is not allowed to start until after I see Star Trek: Into Darkness.

Today's Blog Tour Posts Include
1) Review and Guest Post on Creating Dystopic Worlds at Wonderland's Reader and
2) Review and Interview at My Book Musings

Anyway, my post today is a re-post. I wrote it for a blog tour stop very recently when I guest posted on Alex Cavanaugh's website. I have to give Alex some of the credit for it. Yes, I wrote it, but he has very specific guidelines for guest posting on his blog, including the minor detail that "Snark is a must." If it hadn't been for that, I never would have come up with this post. (Incidentally, I didn't stay within his 300-word limit parameter, but at least I was snarky, right Alex?)

Anyway, I got a great response for this post, so I thought I'd share it with my own audience. I know lots of you are following the blog tour, but I don't delude myself that you click super-fast over to each and every tour stop while wiping the drool away. So, if you missed it, here's my post.

            A few months ago I saw the amazing film Skyfall. May be the best Bond film I’ve ever seen (not that I’ve seen a lot of the older films). There’s a scene in the film where Bond chases Silva (Javier Bardem’s excellent villain), leaping over heavy machinery, sprinting across rooftops and lots of other Bond-y stuff. Eventually they run through the subway. At that point, Bond loses sight Silva. Until he glances to his left. Silva has left a door open, though which Bond follows. It made me smile. I mean, a guy as smart and determined as Silva just happens to leave a door open behind him? Maybe it’s just the innate idiocy of villains, but it got me thinking about attributes of action movie villains. They actually aren't that hard to pick out of a crowd.

Top 5 Ways You Know You’re an Action Movie Villain 
 1.      You think everything is funny! “I’m winning.” Huh-huh-huh. “People are dying.” Huh-huh-huh. “My arm hurts.” Huh-huh-huh.   
2.      Just when it looks like you might win, you do something hair-brained like forgetting to shut the door behind you or not figuring out who the true owner of the Elder wand is. I mean, if you’re going to be villainous, shouldn't you at least try to pull Cs in problem-solving class?

 3.      You believe things that have happened to you in the past are awesome excuses for murder, rape, plunder, and all-around world domination. Let’s face it: everyone’s got a sob story, but most people don’t become douche bags. You, on the other hand… 
 4.      You’re creepy. No really! Stop for a minute to evaluate your own creep factor. Do you, for example, breathe really loudly (hol-puh, hol-puh), sport a detachable jaw (like Silva), practice a smile that’s insincere and just a bit too wide, or have a habit of licking your fingers and smoothing down your eyebrow hairs? If you are guilty of these or any similar quirks, I hate to break it to you my friend but YOU…are creepy. 
 5.      You have an overwhelming and inexplicable drive to pit yourself against awesome, heroic guys (or gals). I mean seriously! Anyone who honestly believes they can take on the likes of James Bond and win must have repeated third grade at least twice. Tell me I’m wrong! 

 So, if you encapsulate one or all of the above traits, you may be ideally suited to the (short and bitter) life of an action movie villain. Support groups held every other Thursday at the WTF Rec Center in New York. For more info, call 1-800-2BIFF-IT.

1 comment:

  1. Ha! I loved the heavy breathing description. I think I'm safe from the Villain checklist...for now...